suddenly.

she woke up that day and felt a dizzying pain in her head. 1230pm. she had overslept. she felt tired and grumpy and cranky and crabby. she fell back to bed and decided she didn't really want to do anything except stay in her room all day.

"sugaaaaaaaarrrr"

that was her mama. feeling a bit irritated, she stumbled out of bed and went outside her room. she called down to her mama.

"mama? yee?"

and her mama replied: "come down dear, a friend of yours is here.."

a friend of mine? she thought. who would be coming to her house right now? it must be tingles. or maybe arrows. but mama would have said their names if it was them who had come. realizing she was dressed in only a skimpy tank top and shorts, she rushed to her bathroom to freshen up. she pulled on a fresh t-shirt and jeans and went down the stairs. her mama was at the dining table, already setting up lunch. her dad must be out then.

"who's at the door mama?", she asked.

"go see yourself..", her mama said with a gentle smile.

"ish mama ni.. bagitau je la..", sugar said, partially annoyed. she went to the front door of her house. she expected tingles or arrows. as she went to the door she tied up her hair in a ponytail. when she saw who was at the door, she paused; her hands still in her hair, and a hair-band in between her teeth.

"hey sugar..", the person at the door said.

it seemed like an eternity of silence.

"have you lost your ability to speak..?", said the person amiably.

sugar let her hair fall and took out the hair-band from between her teeth. hastily, and realizing she was blushing furiously, she straightened her hair and corrected the creases in her t-shirt. she stammered a little, but finally found her voice.

"hey.. hey wiseguy.."

-----

sugar invited wiseguy in, but her heart was beating like machinery on high gear. she didn't know why he had come, but she'll find out soon enough. wiseguy was dressed in a black polo t-shirt and a pair of levi's. his hair was a charming mess around his head. he had with him a manila envelope. sugar was feeling so intrigued. after she let wiseguy take a seat in the living room, she went to the kitchen to make a drink. her mama was at the dinner table, covering up the lunch dishes with a saji. her mama was smiling.

"that's him isn't it?" her mama asked suddenly.

"who?", sugar asked back, wary.

"that's wiseguy. the boy you told me about."

sugar was silent, remembering now that she had told her mama all about wiseguy. she nodded and blushed. her mama just laughed.

"go and make him something to drink. and for the record, hensem la dia.", mama said. sugar made a face to her mama and made a cup of tea for wiseguy, who was being quiet in the living room. taking a deep breathe, she walked out to sit with him. she did not make a drink for herself. she just did not feel like it.

"thanks..", wiseguy said as he took the cup of tea from sugar. there was a moment of silence in which sugar felt an odd, but calming, wave coming off from wiseguy. it was probably just in her mind. in her heart she felt a mixture of excitement and fear of the unknowns. and she felt something else as well; a longing to tell him about her ow growing feelings. over these past few eeks she had grown more confident in her belief that wiseguy actually loved her. she just felt it, one could say. but still... nothing had happened. until today; this was a surprise.

"so..", she began.

"so..", he said, in that laid back voice of his.

"what brings you here todayy? and how did you know my house anyway?"

wiseguy took a sip of the tea. "you forget..", he said, "that i was here last raya.."

sugar smiled sheepishly. "oh. okay.."

"but anyway i'm here because of this," wiseguy said as he took the manila envelope he had brought and carefully slid out the contents. sugar edged closer to him, conscious of the fact that he was so close to her right now... and of course, of the fact that mama was probably watching them from the dining area. plus, her dad would probably be home soon for lunch.

as wiseguy showed her the contents of the envelope, sugar put a hand to her mouth. they were the photographs of her that she had seen before on his flickR page; but he had printed them off, beautifully in high resolution on high quality photo paper. why, she was to find out soon, she thought.

"first off, i'm sorry if this comes out as...well, creepy or something..", wiseguy said to her. she said nothing, so he continued.

"but i wanted these shots to be natural.. i wanted to catch you being, well, you. i do apologize though, sugar."

he handed her the photos, and she took them with trembling hands. she was overcome with emotion, and she was trying her best not to give them away.

"sugar?", wiseguy said. "you're not saying anything.." he laughed a little, nervous sounding laugh.

sugar looked at the photos again for a few seconds, and finally turned to wiseguy, who was smiling softly.

"wiseguy.. why?", she asked. she was hoping for an answer that would make her world beautiful.

wiseguy took a deep breathe; sugar held hers in.

"i..", he said.

"yeah..?", sugar said, instantly angry at herself for seeming to eager.

"i'm entering a photography competition..", wiseguy said. "and i chose to submit an entry for the 'portraits' category.. i came by to show you these pictures.. and to ask for your permission to use them.."

sugar was thrown off guard for awhile. not the answer she had wanted to hear.. but maybe that was better. she opened her mouth to say something, closed it, and finally said:

"yeah...yeah. yeah, sure. that'd be sweet.." she knew she needed something to cover up this moment of seeming vulnerability, so she quickly added: "but go half-sies with me on the prizes if you win okayy?"

"no half-sies. i'll give you gratitude cukup la.." wiseguy said seriously. then they both broke into laughter. and that seemed to break the apparent tension in the air between them. they chatted for awhile, as if they hadn't talked for a long time. which was partly true..

"i miss this wiseguy..", sugar said.

"miss this?", wiseguy said.

"you know.. jesting words, talking and what nots with you.."

"yeah.. i kinda miss it too..", wiseguy said as he took another sip of the tea, which had gone cold. he looked at his wristwatch, and sugar just knew he was getting a bit wary. but she also knew she can't press him further. by his looking at the watch, she knew he wanted to make a move.

"well i gotta go..", he said. sugar smiled.

"thanks for seeing me.. and letting me use the photos..", he said again. he got up, and sugar stood up as well. she smiled at wiseguy.

"thanks for coming.. it's a really pleasant surprise...", sugar said. they walked to the door and wiseguy put on his shoes to get going. sugar walked him to the front gate where he had parked his car nearby.

"well.." wiseguy said as he went out through the gate. "thanks.."

"thank you... and those pictures are really good, wiseguy.." sugar said.

he hesitated suddenly, then said: "it's because you're beautiful..". when he said that he didn't look into her eyes. sugar found herself blushing. what just happened? she thought.

wiseguy made to walk to his car, smiling at her almost bashfully. sugar was getting annoyed with herself. come on! her inside voice screamed.

"wiseguy..!", she called out. she went out of the gate and walked quickly towards him. he had stopped about 10 feet away from his car, his keys already in his hand. an ice cream seller suddenly passed by, the bells ringing. sugar waited until the sound of the bells were faint and far away. wiseguy was looking at her; his eyes piercing but gentle, a calm in a storm.

"wiseguy.." sugar said.

"yeah..?", he asked with a hint of caution in the tone.

she was quiet for maybe 8 seconds.

"do you love me?", she said. the words sounded loud to her own mind. wiseguy looked stunned.

"wiseguy, do you love me?", she said again, trying not to get emotional.

he stood by his car, looking at her. his face was quiet. he took a step forward to her.

"sugar.. i..", he started. she looked at him, not realizing she was making subtle nodding motions with her head. but then wiseguy stepped back, and said apologetically:

"i gotta go.."

he got into the car, brought the engine to life and slowly drove off. sugar looked at him go, knowing she was in his rear view mirror, becoming smaller and smaller as he drove further away.

-----

for the rest of the day and well into the night, sugar went into moodswings. she'd cry and get angry in alternate bursts. she wasn't angry at wiseguy; she was angry at herself. when he had drove off, she had gone back into the house and went straight to her room, ignoring her mama's questions. luckily her mama wasn't the nosy type and had let her be when she realized that her daughter wasn't feeling great at all.

in between her crying and anger she called up tingles and relayed what had happened to her. tingles played the part of best friend well, saying words of comfort and telling her that all won't be so bad. sugar accepted those words and loved her friend for it, but she couldn't shake off that bad feeling she felt in her stomach. it made her feel sour, for lack of a better description.

later that evening she had calmed down enough, although she still felt sad. she had a big dinner of rice, asam pedas ikan keli and stir-fried kangkung followed by ice cream. food always made her feel better. she watched the tv for awhile as her parents sat out in the garden talking. finally she got bored, wished her parents goodnight and went to her room. in about fifteen minutes, she fell asleep. hours later she dreamed of a tomorrow where she and wiseguy would be holding hands.

30 minutes away, wiseguy was looking out his bedroom window, wondering it if was time to tell her the truth.

regardless, things will change after today, he thought to himself. for better or for worse, he did not know.