June 28, 2008


a loud thunderclap woke me up from my nap. as i sat up on the sofa i knocked over the mug of coffee i had had. it had already gone cold. i cursed to myself and went to the kitchen to grab a wet towel to wipe the spillage.

it was only half past ten in the morning. the rain had not subsided; in fact it seemed worse, with rolling thunder and flashes of lightning cracking the grey skies. it was pretty dim, making it seem as if the day was nearing dusk.

i sat back on the sofa, rubbing my eyes and pushing strands of hair that had fallen over my eyes backwards. i glanced around the interior of my apartment, and not for the first time, i find myself feeling isolated and lonely.

i live by myself. apart from occasional visits from siblings or relatives, this quiet apartment only plays host to a single occupant most times. and that would be me. still, i loved the apartment. i had decorated it simply but cozily.

it wasn't always like this, however. i remember a time when there was another voice, another shadow, and another presence within these now seemingly empty spaces. i remember not being the only one who walks within the confinement of these small walls.

that was when i was with you.

now the thought of it makes me sigh again.

remembering you causes me to remember a time when i was in love, and never questioned it. i never once thought about the truths and consequences, the 'simple complexity' of it. i simply took being in love as a gift, a wonderful twist of fate. i almost took it for granted. during those times i had with you, there was nothing else but our love. to me, at least.

looking back, i wonder what was it like to have seen myself from the outside. would i have seen the storm-clouds that were gathering, or the shining sun that was slowly but surely setting down on me.. on us..?

"i don't know", i said out-loud to myself. i shook off those thoughts in my head. outside, despite the rumble of thunder and the streaks of lightning, the rain was finally beginning to subside. i got up and walked back to the window, looking at the beautiful outline of the city of Kuala Lumpur.

i gazed outside.

somehow, i felt that my gaze was reaching you..

.. wherever you are.



June 23, 2008



early morning. saturday.

the sound of rain tip and tapping on the window. the blurred outline of Kuala Lumpur barely visible through the glass. the rumble of thunder. the flashes of lightning.

and the smooth, soothing jazz music piping in through the stereo.

i stood still in front of that window, almost statuesque. a mug of coffee in my hand, steaming. for a moment i was lost in my thoughts, in a world of dreams.

i was drifting through a memory, almost drowning in it's depths. it was like an old film-reel, with specks and grain, and that curious, artificial feeling of "i was there when this happened". almost a deja-vu.

these memories conjure images of a face i thought had long been locked up and kept safe, hidden from view. but these images are almost kaleidoscopic; they seem to conflict and compliment at the same time. with them they stir up emotions i thought i had buried some time ago.

but it was only for a moment. soon enough these memories, these distant recordings of an 'ago' quickly faded. with a sigh i broke free from my thoughts, and sat myself down on the sofa of my living room. i switched on my laptop which had been there from the night before, and skimmed through the news.

it was only just getting light; however with the heavy downpour it was surely going to be a grey day.

no matter, i thought.

i lie myself down on the sofa, the mug of coffee half-way finished. truth be told, i had been awake for a few hours now. i needed a nap. the sound of rain and thunder was soothing to me. i lay an arm across my forehead.

as sleep began to take me over, the memories came flashing back.

they were reminding me of a time when i was with you.