March 20, 2008

..of this moment

"we have to talk", i said to you just you were about to put a forkful of penne pasta pomodoro into your mouth. your fork hovered halfway to your slightly open mouth; the pearly tips of your teeth could be seen clearly behind those pink lips.

you eyeballed me then put the fork down. you fiddled the utensil then laid it neatly perpendicular on your plate. we were at a nondescript coffeehouse in KLCC.

"you're not eating.. you have your hands clasped together, and you're shuffling your feet. we've been going out for 2 months now but that's enough for me to know this is gonna be something serious. so what gives, wiseguy?", you said. you sank bank in your chair and looked at me intensely in the eyes. the only giveaway that you were troubled were your clenched fists.

you were, of course, correct. i did indeed have my hands clasped together and was shuffling my feet. and i wasn't eating. a cup of latte stood steaming just left to my hands. but somehow i managed to smile.

"acute observation, sayang."

you just raised an eyebrow. that look said 'cut to the chase'.

i breathed in, gathering myself. gathering my words. i wondered how you were going to take this news. i pondered if:

  • i should just give the news to you bluntly, without velvet lining
  • or maybe i should fabricate something first
in the end it didn't matter. the yearning for honesty i saw in your eyes told me enough of what i should do. be honest, obviously. the deeper truth was your look said 'i'm ready'.

"have you been happy..? with me?", i said, leaning slightly on the table.

"conventional wisdom says: DUH, yes i have been happy", you said, also leaning forward. you pushed your glasses up your nose, a gesture i found so endearing.

"if i wasn't happy would i be here with you, almost about to have a nice plate of penne pasta which, as we speak, is going cold", you said.

i took your hand. "i'm sorry", i said and kissed it. this time you didn't say anything.

"sugar..", i said.

"wiseguy", you said.

a sudden, abrupt silence. back in school the kids used to say "malaikat lalu" (or, as one cheeky girl in my class said "malaikat lalu naik motor").

then the sudden coming of noise again. as the people passed us by, i was sitting there face to face with you, holding your hand.

"sugar", i said again. you looked at me, your hand tightening around mine.

"i have to leave you for sometime.."

a spoon fell on the floor. it made a sound that was very loud to our ears.




Anonymous said...

*semakin saspen*


Aishah said...

its a long novella eh?..why you didnt took journalism?..cause you are a person that has the 'puitis' feeling when writing...btw..hehehe..its ME..!! yay!! jumpa pun your blog..hehe...bukannyer slama nie x jumpa jus dont give comment jer..;p