March 15, 2008

what now..

quietly in my room, i think of you. but my heart is troubled.

the clock shows 0231. outside a steady rain is falling, making rhythmic tapping noises on the awnings of the house. it's a cool night. occasionally the sound of a late night(or early morning) driver punctuates the silence.

i think of you. though still my heart is troubled.

sitting quietly on my bed, i think of how we got this far. the past few weeks have been ever so wonderful. it's like i've been waiting all this time to love someone like you. i thought about how natural we are together.. how, it seems, things just fit in so properly. like a jigsaw puzzle you've spent a lifetime trying to solve, but here at the last minute, you see everything so clearly.

i smiled and got off the bed. i went to my desk and flipped open my laptop. usually my desktop is a blank space; but now a picture of you and me resides there. a picture taken maybe a week back, when in a spur of the moment, we decided to visit Zoo Negara. in that picture it showed me beside you. you were looking at the camera with your nose crinkled.

i remembered that day. and remembering that day makes my heart feel warm. i lean back on my chair and reminisced that trip to the zoo. i remembered how you were so excited at the petting zoo, stroking 2 ponies. how you loved looking at the hippopotamus and the small otters. and then i laughed aloud as i remembered the way you froze stiff in fear when we went to the reptile house.

that was a lovely day.

i opened the folder where i kept all the pictures of you and me. i browsed through them, pausing frequently as i studied those photographs. everytime i see your smile, even in JPEGS instead of in real life, a joy takes over my heart.. and this joy seeps into my soul. this is heavenly, i think to myself.

i think about how we took late night walks in Subang and Bangsar. stopping by a McDonald's when you said "ish.. saya lapar" or maybe a Starbucks. we walked aimlessly, just holding hands and enjoying each other's company. joking around. there was a night when you punched me in the stomach and almost made me vomit, i recall.

i take a deep breathe. i haven't seen you for perhaps just about a day. but god, i miss you so much. everytime you're around me i feel complete. and that's not an overstatement. i wonder if you have any idea how much you mean to me. and i wonder how much i mean to you?

no matter.

i crash myself back on the bed.

suddenly i feel choked up.

it's been... what, 2-3 weeks since we declared our love for each other and began this wonderful journey? everything seems so wonderful, the way they fit in so well. the way we almost too perfectly compliment each other.

sugar, i love you.

how am i supposed to tell you that i may be going away for awhile?


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

oh no. saspen saspen.