July 21, 2008



sitting all alone in that apartment, time seemed to slow down.. and at moments stop altogether. this was not a good day. on any other day i probably could distract myself with work or whatever activity that needs to be done.

but not today. today, i was just alone in my apartment with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

in this isolation(self imposed? i do not know) the only things that run through my mind are memories and images of you. it hurts me to think so, but i guess i just can't help it.

now, as the sun rose higher in the sky and the gray clouds gave way to bluer skies, i thought about some time ago, when all this had suddenly ran downhill without a chance of stopping. like a landslide, inevitable, crushing everything in it's path.

the echoes of your voice resonate in my mind as again i nursed a coffee in hand, sitting on the sofa with my knees folded up to my chest. often the voices are sweet and beautiful... and often they turn into those last words i heard from you some time ago. the words that had hurt me.

some time ago you and i had been happy. some time ago i felt we were invincible. and i choose to believe you had thought so too. i guess the comfort i could take in the aftermath of that break-up is that, in the end, neither of us could stop the hands of Fate.

i admit i had tried to fight against it. i had tried to convince you otherwise. but in doing so i saw myself standing in your way... and how could i do that to the person i love so much? i had to let go. i remember at the moment it felt like i was throwing my very life away.

but somehow i had coped.. or survived, more like it. yes, this empty apartment feels emptier every minute i draw breath in it. but i live on.

but as i said, it's when i'm all alone, with nothing to do, the hurt comes snowballing back.

and at times like this my mind wanders and the tears flow freely from my eyes.

the afternoon was turning into the exact opposite of this morning: clear, bright and hot.

i let my mind drift, to that some time ago. as ever, the images and voices become solid in my mind. it was as if i had traveled back in time.

it was as if i was reliving those chain of events, and the moments that had released the trap-door and sent me plunging into the depths of a cold, dark sea.


(to be continued)

1 comment:

nuraainaa said...

"..i saw myself standing in your way.."

i thought their love is invincible too.. :(