July 24, 2008

Four

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the sun eventually settled into it's mid-day post, keeping sentry over the city of Kuala Lumpur. with it, the moist remnants of the morning rain disappeared, leaving the city looking decidedly different. the grays have now given way to sunshine, painting the city gold.

lunch for me was a simple sandwich and chips affair; julienned crabsticks with mayonnaise, salt, pepper and alfalfa stuffed between lightly buttered white bread. the chips were, of course, freezer-to-fryer crinkle fries. it sufficed. a glass of cool iced lemon tea washed it all down.

the afternoon meal gave me a welcome distraction. but if was only for a moment. now i was reliving those moments again.

i know i once promised you that both of us would go separate ways, and that we'd make no effort to establish contact with one another through any medium. hence, we didn't exchange e-mails, or IM, or write, or call...

sometimes it feels like we never loved at all.

and the thing is i know you've kept part of the deal. never have i heard a whiff or seen a trace of you since that fateful day when everything came crashing down. i, on the other hand, have fallen to weakness on more than once occasion. i've tried calling you before, or asking how you were.

much to my futility of course. in the end i gave up.

but i always ask myself the same questions over and over again, going over these conventional grounds relentlessly. would things have been different if we had stayed together? would we, hypothetically, still be holding each other in this very apartment?

this apartment holds so many memories. this apartment, in which we made love in, had fights in, dined and laughed in. how long has it been? two years? it seems like such a lifetime. i remember when we bought it with our savings a year after we got married. you had stepped inside first and had said "welcome to disneyland!".

i had laughed at that non sequitur. now i missed it.

i shook my head. i was now sitting at the dinner table, with only breadcrumbs on the plate.

sure, both of us had moved on. you more comfortably. i had dated after that break-up; regularly but never seriously. those dates never went beyond a first date. almost always blind dates. somehow i thought you were doing the same. but there was a difference.

from what i found out, you were happy.

i was not.

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2 comments:

nuraainaa said...

shocking.

pinkbanana_ said...

i almost can feel how shattered this guy is :(
sedihnyaaa.

hope theres a happy ending