August 1, 2008

Five

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during late afternoon, Kuala Lumpur on a weekend takes a strange change; it becomes more quiet, less hectic. even more so when the sun is shining full strength as it is at the moment. siesta time, of course. Kuala Lumpur takes a nap.

with the remnants of lunch now cleaned up and the plates scrubbed, i settled in the living room for a spot of television. unfortunately surfing through banal shows and dumb commercials caused me to shut it back off. i glanced at the telephone, my feelings a fifty/fifty mix of hoping for a call and making a call.

it seemed then i had a staring contest with the phone; i remember that it used to ring quite often back in the day. you would call me to say hello or perhaps inquire what i would like for dinner.

steak, ice-cream and a movie at One Utama?

yes, that would be lovely.

alright, i'm coming back in half an hour. we'll go in about an hour's time. sounds fine?

sounds excellent.

those were the voices of the ghosts inside my head, telling me that i miss you very much.

i sunk back in the sofa; the stillness and quietness in the air was killing me. perhaps i should take a walk. perhaps not. i thought of marriage. an institution. supposedly an eternal bond. but you had proved me wrong when we broke our bond and severed our ties just when i thought we had it good.

i guess complacency was my fault.

i sighed. it wasn't supposed to be like this. i should have you right here with me. together with me. but the foundations i thought were strong were swept away by your insistence and my desire not to bind you to a fate you would not have loved.

time has healed some of the wounds. the last person i dated told me i had beautiful eyes. i had laughed and called it a day, claiming a forgotten appointment. the truth was that no one could tell me i have beautiful eyes... no one but you.

and from these eyes of mine now i shed tears. i don't actually cry that often, of course. but it's times like these. when i'm alone with nothing to do that weakness takes the better of me. and echoes of your voice fill my heart and mind like you were right there beside me.

there's something i must say.

alright; what is it dear?

i love you.

i know that already; i love you too.

but i can't be with you anymore.


like i said earlier, these were the voices of the ghosts inside my head. i wish badly for them to stop haunting me.

why did our love fail when we had already reached the top?

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1 comment:

farah fazanna said...

kenapa makin sedih ni!