November 4, 2007

Heartbeat

a few weeks after 'a sugary dinner'
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i have this habit of waking up in the wee hours of the morning. it's something i've been doing ever since i was a teenager. and i find myself doing so right now. glancing at the bedside clock, it reads 0325hrs.

shit, i say in my mind. i sat up slowly so i wouldn't rouse you. then i turn my head to look at you sleeping; adorably, you had on my favorite worn t-shirt(which said 'master of dudes' in the front) and a pair of beach shorts. the ones with 'aloha' written on the sleeves. i smile looking at your peaceful face. it never fails to hit me that you while you look smart, sassy and pretty with your glasses on, it is when you have them off that you transform into a beautiful and graceful angel. ironically your eyesight is as keen as a blind watermelon when you're not wearing them.

i get off the bed and head to the kitchen. i fix myself a cup of hot coffee and head for the balcony of our cozy 3 room apartment. we had put out a nice rattan psychiatrist' couch there, and it is here that i take a seat and stare out into the night. KL seems like a sea of crystalline lights from this vantage point; i take it in.

"oi.."

i shifted in the couch to see you standing in the balcony doorway, your hair all messed up and your eyes half closed.

"can't sleep sayang..?" you say drowsily. this isn't the first time i've waken in the middle of the night. sometimes you just keep on sleeping and i'd join you later; sometimes you wake up as well and join me. go figure.

"no. sorry i woke you up. come here." i say.

you walk, almost stumbling and crash yourself(softly, of course) on the couch. you lay your head on my chest.

"can i have some coffee..?" you ask.

"you want me to make some for you?", i say.

"no. i want yours. boleh tak?"

"eheh. of course you can dear. here."

you take the cup of coffee from me and take a few sips. suddenly you grimace a bit.

"it's bitter!" you exclaim.

i smile. "not everyone has a sweet-tooth like you do, sugar".

you grumble and mumble in annoyance. you rest your head on my chest again. i kiss the top of your head, taking a breathe of your fragrant hair. the scent of a lovely summer garden.

"are you okay..? i always worry when you wake up like this.." you say.

"i'm fine. it's just... habit.." i answer.

"well it isn't healthy. it makes me worry that you have troubles on your mind. am i troubling you wise guy?"

"no sayang, you're not. and i don't have troubles on my mind."

"honest to goodness?"

"yes. if i did, i would tell you right..?"

"i know. i love you wise guy."

"i love you too, sugar."

we sit there in silence. occasionally the faint sound of cars passing by would echo around us. i look out towards KL again. ever shining, never sleeping KL. just as i thought you had fallen asleep, i hear your voice calling me softly.

"hey wise guy.."

"yes, sweetness?" i say.

"i can hear your heartbeat" you say.

"you can?"

"yes."

"then what of it..?" i ask this honestly, not out of annoyance.

"it reminds me of the night you held me in the rain". you look up at me. you squint your eyes because you don't have your glasses on.

"that night when i told you i loved you too" you say.

"i remember that night. why does my heartbeat remind you of it..?" i ask.

"because when you held me in the rain that night, i felt your heartbeat. and your heartbeat told me something."

"what did it tell you..?"

you pause for a moment and edge closer to my face.

"that we'll always be together", you say. i touch your face softly and we kiss. then you lay your head below mine, nuzzling my neck as you did so. then gently you take my hand in yours and put it between your bosom.

"can you feel my heartbeat, wise guy?" you ask.

"yes i can sayang..". indeed, i could feel the steady rhythmic beats of your heart.

"what does it say to you..?"

i pause for a moment, gathering my thoughts.

"it doesn't say anything", i say. you look surprised, but before you could say anything, i went on.

"your heartbeat doesn't say anything.. but it sings. it sings to me that you are the only one i will love 'til the end of my days..." i say. "and i'll give my everything to make sure it'll always sing.."

i bring your hand to my lips and kiss your fingers. your eyes begin to shimmer as if they were reflecting the starlight. you smile, and silently whisper 'i love you' before you lay your head back on my chest.

moments pass by. after quite a long silence, i called out to you but you don't reply. then i felt you take a deep, deep breathe, and only then i realize you have fallen back to sleep. i carry you back to the bedroom, and lay you gently on the bed. i climb back between the sheets. i gaze at your face, and, not for the first time, find myself wondering what beautiful dreams were you having, softly as you lay beside me.

;)



1 comment:

nurdini izni said...

u r making me eager to get married asap. haha