Cookie Crumbs

this takes place the day after 'different seasons', as told through the eyes, voice and thoughts of cookie

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i got up out of bed very early, just as it started to rain this morning. still a bit drowsy, but not able to go back sleeping, i went to the bathroom to freshen up. as soon as that was done, i went down to the kitchen to see that mummy was also already up, and preparing breakfast. i surprised her by hugging her from behind as she was mixing in the batter for cucur udang.

"morning mummy..!", i said.

"hey!! ishh. don't surprise me like that. what if i had spat into the cucur?", she complained.

i giggled. "awww mummy. don't be mad at your favorite daughter..~". this was a joke; i was her only daughter. my two older brothers were already married.

mummy smiled. she was a kind hearted woman who used to be a doctor at GH until her retirement 2 years ago. "i'm not mad lah. now help me set up the table. your grumpy old man will be coming down soon. make some coffee too. and remember; he wants it not too sweet,"

"that's gonna be a problem," i giggled "because since i'm so sweet, everything i do will be sweet!"

mummy just shook her head amiably. i went to get small plates and set them at the table. i made a pot of coffee (kopi hang tuah, since you asked) and put that at the table too. then i went back to the kitchen. i sat myself on a stool and watched as mummy fried the cucur udang.

"i didn't see you much last night," she said suddenly. "you came home and went straight to your room..". she asked this warily; i guess mother's can tell when something is going on with their children. i was quiet for awhile. mummy looked at me.

"what's wrong sweetie? you can tell mummy.."

i bit my lower lip. i had tried hard to forget what happened yesterday when i woke up this morning, but now with my mummy's tender and loving gaze, tears begin to well up as i painfully thought of yesterday. with heavy, watery eyes i told mummy:

"jumpers left me."

a sad look passed through mummy's eyes, and she held out her arms. i went to her, as i always have all these years ever since i was a little girl, and cried on her shoulder. she hugged me and i comforted myself in the warmth of her love and embrace. she stroked my hair and whispered calming words to my ears. she knew how much i was in love with jumpers.

as my tears stifled down, i recanted to her what happened yesterday as she finished up frying the cucur udang. all while i talked she nodded her understanding, only asking questions here and there. finally she stood in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"my lovely cookie; i know how sad you must feel right now. but mummy wants you to be strong and wise, okay? i want you not to let yourself fall because of this; remember, there is always hope, and there is always love." she said. "now wipe your tears and let's go eat. your daddy must be at the table already. this cucur udang won't taste as good cold!"

she smiled at me and i smiled back. i loved her so much. i wiped away my reddened eyes and took out the plate of piping hot cucur to the table. daddy was, indeed, already at the table, reading The NST with a cup of coffee in front of him. i set down the plate of cucur and went to kiss him on the cheek.

"morning daddy..", i said.

he looked at me and smiled. he was a lecturer at UM. now he runs his own distribution business. a quiet man, but loving, gentle and very funny when he wants to be. i remembered the times he would surprise me with gifts when i was smaller..up until i was 17 really. i guess even now i am still his little girl.

mummy had taken a seat opposite him, and i took the seat beside her. i plated some cucur for both my parents and had some myself. we talked...well, mummy and me mostly. daddy would say a few things but mostly listened even as he read the paper. mummy and i talked about everything, from how macaroon and clocks (my older brothers) were doing, to what was new at our favorite retail outlets. then mummy excused herself as she had some errands for the house to do. i checked the time and saw that i too, had to be ready for work ( i tought Form 1 and 2 students science at the nearby secondary school: the kids there call me 'cikgu sayuri', as, they said, i look like zhang ziyi in memoirs of a geisha).

i got up and cleared the table. daddy still sat there , finishing up his coffee and newspaper. i took the dirty plates to the kitchen, washed them and had a glass of cold milk. then i went to my room to get ready. as i was just about to climb the stairs, daddy called out to me.

"yes daddy?" i said.

"are you okay dear..?" he asked me. then he took his eyes off the newspaper and looked at me. a look of concern.

"yeah i'm okay. what do you mean daddy..?"

"i heard you and mummy talking in the kitchen..."

i was silent at this. suddenly he got up and walked towards me. he took my hands in his, and held them gently.

"i don't like seeing my little girl in pain.." he said, stroking my hand. "but, like your mummy said: be strong. we'll always be there for you. i'll always be there for you."

i looked at him in the eyes and saw all the love a father could ever have for a daughter in them. i hugged him.

"thank you daddy. i love you."

he smiled at me. "now go and educate our future generation.." he said.

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i went up to my room and showered. i thought about yesterday. jumpers' words still rang in my ears. and the look of pure...nothingness on his face still lingered in my mind. i sighed, and fought back tears.

i had cried enough last night. and i had spent hours looking at our pictures together before placing them in a box and putting it on top of my dresser(i still couldn't bear to destroy them). i tore off the pictures of me and him that i stuck to my mirror: pictures since 3 years ago, from the moment when we met at a kenduri of a friend. my eyes were watery, but somehow i managed to restrain myself from crying when i did that. when i finally fell asleep, it must have been about 3am.

my heart still ached badly, but i felt a bit better, and am so glad i have parents that understood me and loved me and cared for me. as i was about to get ready to go, my mobile phone buzzed. a text message. i opened it.

it was from wise guy. the message read:

"dinner is at 8, my place. you know how to get there right? sugar is cooking tonite, so bring some pil chi kitt teck aun, just in case, haha. but be there; we'll talk, okay?"

i smiled. wise guy. a best friend. he always comes through for me.

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